Transgender Day of Visibility: An interview with Flt Lt Caroline Paige
For Transgender Day of Visibility on 31 March, we talked with Flight Lieutenant Caroline Paige about her career in the RAF, her experience of transitioning in the armed forces and her work today for the LGBTQ+ community.
What was your role/rank in the RAF and how long did you serve for?
I joined the RAF in January 1980 and served until November 2014, retiring as a Flight Lieutenant. I was inspired to join after gaining a Private Pilot’s Licence through an RAF Flying Scholarship as an air cadet with 472 (Hoylake) Squadron. I became a navigator flying F4 Phantoms, providing air defence of the UK and Falkland Islands during the Cold War, and in 1990 I deployed to Saudi Arabia as a Tactical Air Operations Officer during the build up to Gulf War 1. I volunteered for tactical troop-carrying helicopters in 1992, flying Wessex and seeing service in Northern Ireland, and was detached with a United Nations Anglo-French Rapid Reaction Force Operational Staff to Bosnia during the war in 1995. In 1997 I was posted to help form the Rotary Wing Operational Evaluation and Training Unit as the Merlin navigator, helping to bring this new and complex aircraft into service.
But finally, after a lifetime of having to hide my gender identity, I sought the support of my unit medical officer and, in February 1999, we gained permission for me to transition gender and remain in service, unexpectedly becoming the first openly serving transgender officer in the British Armed Forces. After a short ground tour, I joined 28 (AC) Squadron in 2000, as it reformed to receive the RAF’s first Merlin helicopters and became the lead tactics and platform protection specialist, flying operational missions with an additional responsibility to evaluate and teach tactics and platform protection systems to frontline aircrew. I remained flying Merlin until leaving the RAF, completing a further 10 operational tours, in Bosnia, Iraq and Afghanistan, earning three commendations for exceptional service, including one in the Queen’s 2012 New Year’s Honours List, and an award in 2011 from the Permanent-Under-Secretary for the Ministry of Defence, for trailblazing transgender service and being a positive role model on the frontline of service.
What were some of your highlights serving in the RAF?
My main highlights were the aircraft and roles I flew, the places I went, and the wonderful people I met and worked with. Operational flying in fast jets and tactical helicopters is always challenging, it’s the nature of the job in all military flying, but the incredible challenges made it all the more rewarding. When I look back on my career, my whole time in service was a highlight, though not without some extraordinary personal and professional challenges.
What were some of your challenges serving in the RAF?
My biggest personal challenge was of course transitioning gender in a military that, back then, was hostile to the very idea of LGBT+ service. I grew up in an Army family and was aware of my conflicting gender identity from the age of 5, but I soon learned that questioning my own gender wasn’t acceptable, especially a boy identifying as a girl. My family was influenced by the prejudice behind a ban, known at the time as ‘the gay ban’, which in fact barred LGBT+ military service, as no-one understood the difference between gender identity and sexual orientation, and the acronym LGBT wasn’t yet in common use, so being gender diverse usually carried the assumption of being gay.
I realised before I joined the RAF that I would have to continue hiding my true feelings, but I saw no way forward and imagined that flying amazing aircraft would help keep my thoughts occupied. As I entered my 30s, I’d had enough of that secretive kind of life and decided I needed to live my life truly and accept the consequences I feared the most, losing my family, friends and career, or I would lose me. I began a journey that unexpectedly led to the biggest possible highlight of my life when, in February 1999, I was finally allowed to transition gender in the RAF and remain in service. The first in the RAF ever to do so.
How did it/does it feel to be the first transgender officer to transition and serve openly in the UK military?
I never thought of myself as being the first officer to transition gender and serve openly in the UK military, that realisation would come later. I was just me, wanting to live my life the best I could, and there was so much going on to even think about that. Being allowed to transition gender, and remain in service was a truly incredible experience though, finally being allowed to be me, properly, openly, and to live my life how I had always dreamt of doing, but never believing it could become possible. It was just staggering! I was proud, and incredibly happy, the happiest I had ever been, but also worried and nervous, as to how people would react.
When I look back at it now, I am proud of my achievements facing some quite incredible challenges, but I am prouder of those who supported me during those times, as friends, colleagues and allies.
What was your experience like transitioning while in the Armed Forces?
When I began my gender transition, I quickly discovered I had good reason to be worried about how I would be received by friends, colleagues, and even family. I was no longer hiding myself away, I had become visible and now I became vulnerable, to other people’s perceptions.
I made some great new friendships as Caroline, but as word got out I began to receive negative reactions and opinions. My only defence became to smile back, which seemed to defuse most situations. It seemed that although the RAF had said I could stay, nobody else wanted me to. I was declared ‘a danger and a liability to colleagues, especially on operations’ when I was outed on the front page of a newspaper, with public comment sadly agreeing I shouldn’t be allowed to serve. But then people started to speak up, positively, and I saw hope.
On 12th January 2000 the ban was lifted, and within a few years an LGBT support network began to grow in each service. It would still be difficult for several years yet, but from the beginning I knew I had a huge responsibility to succeed. If I failed, my critics would have ammunition to argue against other transgender personnel following in my footsteps.
There was also professional pride to maintain. I worked hard to prove I wasn’t ‘a danger’ or ‘liability’ by becoming the best at my job, as a tactics and platform protection specialist, and those skills and experience came into need when we deployed with our helicopters to Iraq, and then Afghanistan. I earned three commendations for exceptional service there, but that was me just doing my job.
I found that most of those who didn’t accept me didn’t know me, or didn’t know what it meant to be transgender, so I connected with the Joint Services Equality and Diversity Training Centre and agreed to do talks and speak at conferences, using my story to raise awareness, and it worked. If you allow people to understand something, they are able to make a better-informed judgement, and they feel good about that. They no longer fear the difference or see it somehow as a threat. Acceptance turns to inclusion, and they become positive influencers too, and that’s how change happens, with positive role models, friends, allies and advocates. To do that I had to be visible, and that’s what Transgender Day of Visibility is all about, and why it is so important.
Do you think attitudes towards the LGBTQ+ community in the military has changed over the years?
Attitudes have definitely changed since the ban was lifted, and even more so in the last 15 years or so. Not just because today’s generation is generally more open to difference being a good thing, but also because once the ban was lifted, those who served during its enforcement were no longer burdened by the pressure to deny support or acceptance, or to report anyone they knew or assumed to be LGBT+, in fear of a being tormented or accused as LGBT+ themselves. The ban impacted so many people negatively in so many ways, whether LGBT+ or not.
Today’s military is openly and rightly proudly inclusive, but it took some courageous role models, allies and advocates several years to challenge prejudices and help bring about that change, and I am proud to have been at the vanguard of that too. Under the ban, the military was dismissing some incredibly talented and capable people, just for being different. It has had a zero-tolerance policy to harassment and discrimination for some time now, and responds to prejudice very firmly, but it takes time to lose such a reputation and break its influence, and today’s military acknowledges that there is still some work to do.
What work do you currently do for the trans community to increase acceptance and inclusion in the military?
After I left the RAF, I set up my own company to speak about diversity and the benefits of inclusion, using my own story to raise awareness and inspire others to lead better lives, speaking at schools, colleges and universities, as well as businesses and large organisations, at home and abroad. I helped campaign for trans inclusion in the US Armed Forces too and challenged President Trump’s divisive exclusion policy when he took office. My autobiography True Colours was published in 2017 and that has resulted in over 40 radio and TV interviews, as well as podcasts and printed articles, all helping raise awareness and understanding. Days like Trans Day of Visibility and Trans Day of Remembrance are important opportunities to raise that awareness globally too.
For the past three years I have been working closely with Craig Jones MBE, a veteran RN Lt Cdr, as Executives of a charity we helped launch in January 2020, called Fighting With Pride (FWP). We are the UKs only charity set up to support LGBT+ veterans, serving personnel and families, and we have made incredible progress over the past three years.
We now have a team of 11 fantastic employees and have been raising awareness, building LGBT+ veteran confidence, conducting a research programme, and developing collaborations with organisations throughout England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland, to provide and develop better support for veterans, serving personnel and families. We are proud of the relationship we have with the RAF Benevolent Fund who provide invaluable support, enabling FWP to reach out to the RAF community in particular, and the signposting of support pathways.
I’m also a proud Patron of Liverpool City Region Pride Foundation, Honorary President of 472 (Hoylake and West Kirby) Squadron, RAF Air Cadets, and a member of the LGBT+ Advisory Group for Liverpool FC.
What advice would you give to other people in the RAF or who are looking to join the RAF and are part of the LGBTQ+ community?
The RAF, like her sister services, is openly and proudly inclusive of LGBT+ service, though like anywhere it would be wrong to say they were perfect. Each of the services have their own LGBT+ Network, raising awareness and helping inform policies and personnel etc, and the RAF’s is known as the Freedom Network. If you are serving, or a family member of a service person, they are a great source for advice, mediation, or reassurance, or to signpost support where need be. Whether you are serving now or are looking to join, you can also reach outside the services to Fighting With Pride, as an LGBT+ charity with a military focus. We will support however we can and would be able to connect you, confidentially, back to service support within the RAF or to organisations outside it.
Why is Transgender Day of Visibility such an important awareness day?
Transgender Day of Visibility is an opportunity for transgender people across the world to be visible in all their wonderfully different lives - to raise awareness of the diversity of trans people in all walks of life and all roles in society, and to inspire people to lead better lives.
It is an opportunity to show the progress that has been made in equality and inclusion too, but also to show where threat to life and prejudice still exists. Around the world we see roll backs and threats on rights and equalities, and even in the UK today trans people face all manner of challenges, including on their right to exist. They need to see positive news, security and support, but that doesn’t just come from trans people standing up for themselves. Transgender Day of Visibility isn’t just about trans people being visible, it is about friends, family, co-workers, allies, advocates and all to show their support, so that the minority who still court prejudice are deflated by the visible majority who let people live, who are able to show respect, love and support, for the wonderful diversity that is life itself.